This week has been a particularly tiring one. For one, following my trip to Budapest and a number of bank holidays, I’d become very accustomed to 3 and 4 days weeks – making this my first 5 day week in a while which somehow feels 10x longer than a 4 day one. Also, not that I’ve been working ridiculously late nights this week (well, nothing later than the usual), but early mornings and consistently busy days has taken it out of me. So instead – I decided to keep it light with some easy reading today. A number of my friends, people I know and even some family members have been getting into new relationships recently – and it prompted me to write up a post that’s been sitting in my head for a while now. But first – keep reading until the end of the post to be the first to sign up to the new Skylish Monthly. So, I’ve had my ‘newsletter’ for a while (and thank you to all those that have signed up), but… I never send anything out. I’ve decided to get serious with a monthly newsletter that will be useful for bloggers/career women/students allll over the world. Skip to the end of the post if you want to know exactly what would be in it for you (and if you want to sign up, too!)
A brief history with me and relationships (and a very brief one, because there really isn’t much of a ‘history’): I had my first boyfriend when I was a little 13-year old (aww), except… it really wasn’t a relationship because less than 24 hours in I decided to end the it due to being too scared my parents would find out. From year 12 up until my second year of uni, although never getting into a relationship, I started to learn what I did and didn’t want out of a partner through talking to different guys along the way (and being disappointed a good number of times, too… stories for another day!). Then, in 2014, after a good half a year of hating boys all together – I met my boyfriend. 2.5 years later, and the rest is (currently) history. There are a few key stages in our relationship that we went through that I also actually see a lot of new couples going through that always leaves me reminiscing. As I said – I’m keeping it all light today with an easy read – 5 common stages of a young relationship
Stage One: Honeymoon
Time period: 5-6 months
The honeymoon period is such an exciting period: not only have you met someone new, but you’ve meet someone new that you actually think you might like… a lot. As easy as it is to meet people, it’s actually not easy to meet someone you really gel with. The honeymoon period consists of getting absolutely lost in your new other half and spending all the time in the world with them; this includes a multitude of lazy days where you do nothing but chill together, order takeout and gain weight. It includes a lot of questioning over whether or not you may actually say you’re in love with them, and a lot of absolute over-the-top extreme cheesyness, sometimes (a lot of the time) even via text/whatsapp. And of course, questioning over what you both ‘are’, before you officially make it clear you’re in a relationship, and totally committed to each other. The honeymoon period isn’t all fun and games though, because it also brings in sabotagers and haters. On both sides, all of a sudden you might find someone from the past is suddenly interested in both you and your new relationship, you may also receive complaints that you’re ‘never around anymore’ from your girlfriends. I always think it’s best just to let people be happy in their honeymoon period, let them be obsessed and enjoy something new and exciting, and then if after a while they’re still MIA, then you can show concern as a friend that they’re maybe shutting others out.
Stage Two: Confrontation
Time period: 6-9 months
Once all the love hearts and whatsapp essays have faded out, the honeymoon period ends, and for a lot of couples – the arguments begin. For some young couples, this is the breaking point in the first year to year and a half of the relationship. For me and my boyfriend, our arguments would come in waves, we’d either argue every other day for a week, or be absolutely over the moon with each other for a few more weeks, there was no in between. Now, over a year later, our arguments are so rare I don’t even remember the last time we argued (and that’s not to say that we NEVER argue – we’re not robots ofcourse). So what suddenly causes all the arguing? I think a lot of it is getting used to each other and each other’s boundaries. You’re still in a new relationship, spending tons of time together, but how are you to know yet what really gets to the other person? Over this stage, you learn how to best consider (and deal) each other and you learn a lot more about the other person.
Stage Three: Comfortable
9 months in & continuous
I can say honestly say, there is probably nothing I couldn’t do in front of my boyfriend. I feel as comfortable around him as I feel in my own company and I also am really not too bothered about how I look around him. Earlier on in our relationship, I was still very conscious. I was careful not to embarrass myself in front of him, I always wanted to look good, and I didn’t let myself go ever until a good couple of months in; and even then it took more months to get to the stage we’re at now. As exciting as the early stage of a relationship is, getting to know and develop feelings for someone new, I wouldn’t necessarily take us back to this stage as I personally prefer being comfortable.
Stage Four: Discovery
After some time, your relationship will expand from being between just the two of you – all of a sudden you’re meeting parents, siblings, aunties, uncles, childhood friends – the lot. Things start getting real serious – you start finding out more about your partner’s upbringing, their childhood, what and who they grew up around – and things are taken to the next stage. From my experience, this actually brought us closer. Although it can all be overwhelming when you start to really realise just how serious things have gotten (especially if this is something you’re new to), it’s also quite endearing to take away all the fluffy clouds you’re sat on in Cloud 9, and bring your relationship back down to the real world.
Stage Five: Two Pees in a Pod
I’d say after some time, you start getting treated almost like one person. For example, if someone wants to reach my boyfriend, they sometime just contact me to send a message, and vice versa. And of course, anytime I see anyone, they almost always ask me how he is / what he’s up to. I guess that’s why they call relationships two halves of a whole, and that’s really how I feel.
So, what’s next? You tell me. I’ve been with my boyfriend for 2.5 years now and the stages above are not only stages we’ve experienced, but stages I’ve seen my friends experience around me. We’re still young and growing in our relationships, so it’ll be interesting to see what other stages we roll through as the years develop. Of course, all relationships differ – so if your timeline was way different to mine, let me know how in the comments bleow!
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