Gaining Confidence

This article was written in the Summer of 2009
Throughout my fourteen years on earth my confidence has had many ups and downs like a rollercoaster. When I was young I was so quiet, throughout nursery I talked to nobody. By the time I started year one up until year five I was more confident, however when meeting new people I'd still freeze. In year five and year six when I was 10-11 years old, my confidence peaked but I managed to get myself into so much trouble. Starting a new school in year seven saw my confidence drop again, and on Induction Day (a day in England and I don't know where else where all the students go to check out the school they might go to), I only talked to about three people.

Throughout year seven though, I gained more confidence and I'm not going to lie... I was a bitch. I was obsessed with popularity and I always made fun of people. At the beginning year eight (I was around 12), when I gained more sense, it took a long time for people to start to believe that I can be a nice person and to stop talking about me behind my back. But my confidence dropped, again. It wasn't until I went to a party at the beginning of year nine and went home thinking 'I could have enjoyed that party much more if I had let myself... if I had danced and not been shy... if I had talked to new people', and I knew I really had to do something about my confidence, because I didn't want to be shy for my whole life.

Year nine (ages 13-14), I really learnt first of all to be an individual and to really not care what people have to say about me. I joined more clubs in and out of school, met more new people, started contributing in class and gained my own style (like seriously, I used to be scared to wear a hairstyle other than straight down to school because of what people might say). Now I have a few tips for those struggling with their confidence, because you don't want to be overlooked for not having confidence by a loud mouth who doesn't even know what they're talking about.

You. Are. Beautiful

This may sound cheesy... but it's true! When you stop walking with wide untrusting eyes, when you stop thinking 'that group of people are laughing at me', others will believe you are beautiful too. That doesn't mean you go around to people saying: "I'M HOT!", it doesn't mean you are vain - it just means you stop looking at yourself and noticing the flaws, and instead start noticing all the great things God gave you. Take out a paper - write a list of all the great things you can do that maybe others can. Can you webdesign? xD Write it down.

When I was young my Mum would always say: "each morning go to the mirror and look at yourself, then say: 'I am beautiful'", and I'd look at her as if she was mad. I still don't do that, but I don't look in the mirror now and say: "Ugh... so ugly...". I know from experience (and from watching the Tyra show), that when you start thinking you're beautiful, others will.

"I can't do that... people will think..."

DO IT. If that notion comes up in your head, you must do it! Muahaha. Still think about what you say before you say it, because you don't want to offend people and stuff, but if it's something like: "I can't get up that dance... they'll say I can't dance!", or "I can't wear this... they'll make fun of me." - count to 60, then do it. DO IT. And you'll feel happier after.

A little while ago I was in a waiting office at the dentists with my Dad and there were loads of other teenagers there with their Dads and Mums. All the Dad's were reading Newspapers, and the Mums were reading magazines, and all the teenagers (including me) were just staring around bored and awkward. Then I noticed some magazines on the table that were left for people waiting, and I really wanted to just pick up one but thought: "Nah, I can't do that, no other teenagers are doing it, I'll look like a geek.", but then I remembered what I always told myself and just picked a couple up and started reading. Even something that simple. Soon enough, loads of the other teenagers were reading magazines. (H).

Be positive

I used to let somebody upsetting me ruin my whole day. If somebody pissed me off at school or at a party or something; I'd shut down and not talk to anyone. Then one day I thought: "Why the hell am I letting that person 'win'?" If something has pissed you off, don't let it ruin your whole day because you'll regret it. Try to take it out of your system until you are alone - then you can be pissed off about it.

Accept your failures

Didn't get the part? Lost in a game?
Accept it and move the hell on, because there are many other opportunities in life, how many times have you heard people in the entertainment industry talking about how they didn't get the part? How nobody believed in them? There are so many opportunities, seriously. I know somebody who once didn't get a job they wanted and this made them apply for a different job which they got and which was so much better. I always say: "Whatever doesn't kill us, only makes us stronger", ask yourself why you didn't get it, why you failed, and then improve for next time, and that improvement will stick with you forever. You didn't get the job because... you didn't show confidence...? Gain confidence, and it won't just stick with you for your next job interview, it will stick with you for life.


So there's my guide to gaining confidence. It's a long ass guide, I know, but because having confidence is something I have really struggled with in the past - I have a lot to say. ^_^ I hope this is able to help anyone struggling with their confidence.