What Really Matters?

Once upon a time, I’d pretty much only get properly ill around once every two years. I’d always secretly think that the bunch of kids taking sick days crying ‘flu’ were actually just over-exaggerating. But all of a sudden – this year – I’ve had two of the worst flus I’ve ever had in my life. So whilst I wanted to stick to my Saturday/Wednesday schedule this week – my body definitely did not allow for it…

But… a few days on, I’m feeling a lot better and ready to get back on ‘it’ with my blog. One thing I mentioned in my last post was something that helped my slowly build my confidence after years of having it knocked down was just starting to see the bigger ‘life picture’. I feel like it’s easy for us all sometimes to get caught up in things that – put simply – are just not that deep. This came to mind the other day when I was uploading a photo onto Instagram; just a year or so ago, I would never dare upload a photo onto Instagram that didn’t have a perfectly edited white background. Sounds a bit extreme right? It sounds even crazier to know that because of this I’d sometimes forgo posting a lot of great memories onto Instagram, or even ruin vibrant photos by painting their background white/grey. Eventually I realised that it just wasn’t a big deal – whilst I still like to keep my Instagram looking in-line (purely for the aesthetics), I give myself more room to breath. So yeah, if I want to post that photo with a blue background, I do. I’ll even saturate that sh*t. Because, who cares?

As of late, there have been other things over time that I’ve realised just don’t really matter…

For example, I’ve definitely fallen into the trap before of just trying to prove myself. For one, there was a point in university where I started being asked to feature in a few online (and often uni-related) publications here and there – I got such a kick out of the features and the constant gratification from so many people that I began getting a itch to just start putting myself forward for any random award and feature. I was just on such a high from people thinking I was impressive that I continued to chase that same feeling.

And that was not the only time I chased the gratification. As a blogger (or just someone on social media) – it can be quite easy to fall into the trap of trying portray your life in a glitzy and glamorous way. Whilst my Instagram may be showing you palm tree photos from a recent getaway – I’m in actuality just lounging on my sofa without make up, without a bra and not even having had a shower (quite frankly, looking like a bum), scribbling away at a blog post.

Eventually, and especially after noticing this same quality in people around me, I reached the point where I realised I couldn’t live my life seeking validation – no one should. How can you be truly happy with yourself if your happiness is purely driven by other people thinking you lead this amazing, fulfilled life, and you’re always chasing the next injection of this ‘validation-drug’? I think this is something we can all ask ourselves sometimes… what really matters? This is a question I find myself scratching my head about especially when browsing through social media recently. For example, whilst Instagram bots are dishonest – do we really need to go on a 24 hour witch hunt trying to expose different users? Or is there something more important we should be doing with our time? Do you really need to hold that grudge against person X for 5 years, or is that something you can let slide? Person Y definitely made some insensitive comments about the blogging community – but is it worth our time discussing this same topic for several days on end? I’m not so sure.

Sometimes, we can all save ourselves a lot of energy by stopping, thinking, and acknowledging what really isn’t important in the long run.

Shop This Look

Top: Fashion Nova
Watch: Swarovski
Boots: Timberland
Jeans: Topshop

As for the outfit – a brand I’ve tried out recently (hence you will see a few of their items in outfit posts) – has been Fashion Nova. After seeing them advertised online for a while now, it was actually this video from Patricia Bright that got me shopping, just as she said they overall “aren’t that bad”. A positive about Fashion Nova is that they are pretty cheap and have a lot of stylish clothes on offer – but beware – you are getting your moneys worth in terms of material quality – it’s the trade off! I guess it depends on your mood and your need – sometimes a nice, quick, cheap shop is all you need. Regardless – here I was wearing their Platinum Lifestyle Top, paired with some ripped jeans from Topshop. It’s not easy to see on the model, but the top is a bit of a ‘wrap’, and as a girl with a slightly bigger bust this top did end up exposing me quite a bit, and so had to be kept down with a safety pin. I kept this look simple and clean by finishing it off with some Timberlands I purchased a few months back, and overall think the colour compliments the simple monotone look.

Photos: Marianne Olaleye

  1. Yes yes yes yes and more yes! This resonates so much with me as perfectionist. I think I’m learning that life and everything won’t always be perfect and that is perfectly okay! Great post.

  2. You’re totally right when you say that sometimes we need to stop and re-evaluate. A lot of things that we stress about don’t really matter at the end of the day if we think about it critically. You’re also right when you say seeking validation from people gets you nowhere, it really doesn’t.

    I saw Patricia’s video as well, that’s a pretty blouse Kemi! xx
    Coco Bella Blog

  3. Yeah, I too sometimes fall into that trap where I feel I have to look and be a certain way for the Gram. It is a big lie we tell ourselves. I am since learning that people connect more with people who are real and authentic online just as they are offline. – http://www.jamilakyari.com

    1. It really is. Sometimes my friends really misinterpret my life based on what they see on insta – but ofc insta is just the highlights. Being honest/ real online I agree is important & something I always try to do 🙂

  4. woow these photos are stunning!! You look great girl! Ii hope you’re feeling much much better from being ill! Sometimes taking that time off is all we need to get back to what we do best! xx

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