On Living With a Partner

 
I moved in with my partner in the summer of 2020, which in a way feels like yesterday but at the same time, I feel the time that has passed since then. We had our eyes set on one apartment block, and we viewed maybe up to 7 apartments within this block before we settled on our current. I remember being so mesmerised with this complex and the apartments before I had moved in that I’d literally sit on Right Move scrolling through different apartments in the complex on the market. Often I try to remind myself of those days, as my eyes become increasingly used to seeing this place that I live in everyday, and move it further from something super new and shiny and a place that I only dreamed I could live in once upon a time.

When we first moved in together, only a few people knew. I told immediate family (parents, siblings), and then my good friends. I didn’t do any of those fancy photos sat in the kitchen with keys in the air announcing it on Instagram, and whilst I mentioned moving on here, for a little while I was even a bit vague about the fact that I had actually moved in with Levi. I was protecting myself from any unwanted commentary – you know the traditional “don’t move in with a partner unless you’re married” or newer rhetoric “girlll, if you move in with a guy he’ll never put a ring on it!”

No wahala is the motto, plus, I haved always been a chronic people pleaser and it all sort of compounded. I spoke about it last year, but as time has gone on, I’ve moved further away from the hat I wore that tried to limit any commentary about my life and how I was going about it. I figured – I really don’t cause any trouble, and I haven’t done anything that I personally think is wrong, and I need to be confident in that, other than others’ opinions.

My partner and I had already been together for a long time before we moved in together. That said, from the time we were both university graduates, the questions from our peers started – “when are you going to move in together?!”

Once upon a time, it seemed like the most absurd thing ever. Personally, back then I thought, why would I – in my early 20s – move in with my partner already, when I had the rest of my life to do that? We both weren’t done with the period of living with friends, and I figured there was so much time to live with a partner, whereas, there’s really only a limited amount of time you’re ever going to spend living with friends. Indeed, I think there definitely comes and age or period where the appeal of living with friends is not quite as it was in your late teens or early 20s (at least that’s what I’ve seen with myself and other friends). Maybe you decide you want more of your own space, or, as I did, you take the plunge and move in with a partner.

A series of circumstances brought the proposition to us to consider to move in together. It felt like a huge step – when we first made the decision, and I told my parents, I was so nervous it felt like I couldn’t even breath properly for a few days. But I must say, when it finally came time to move in with each other, it did genuinely feel… right.

Of course, moving in with your partner could be a complete disaster. In fact, many recommend it before marriage for the exact reason – test the waters and see if this is someone you actually can live with. I’m glad to say, our relationship has not combusted. In fact, the whole ride so far has been pretty damn smooth. So, here are a few top reasons to move in with your partner…
 

🥚 No walking on egg shells

I think the relationship you have with you immediate family and your partner are 2 very unique sets on relationships, in that, in my experience these are the 2 relationships where you are the least sensitive. I’ve lived in flats before with groups where someone could get annoyed about another person making too much noise, or not being clean enough etc, and once it’s brought up, it could really strain the relationship or lead to a few awkward days or weeks of passive aggressiveness. My first ever flat with friends ended in an absolute disaster for little reasons such as this. In my experience, with a partner, you really don’t ever need to walk on eggshells, and you can get over small things really easily.
 

🏠 Making your apartment a home

I lived in 3 different flats before moving in with my partner – two of those were flats of 2, and one of those was a flat with 3 other girls. I simply never cared to do any sort of meaningful decoration in any of these flats – for some reason, the flats never felt like a “home”, just somewhere I was living for the time being (despite the last place I lived being somewhere I stayed for 4 years). Suddenly, when I moved in with Levi, my interior design hat came on for the first time since I re-decorated my childhood bedroom back in secondary school. Colour schemes, posters, decor, even a Christmas tree… everything felt exciting. I’m feeling the most at home that I’ve felt since I left my “home” with my family back when I was 18.
 

🧑🏾‍🤝‍🧑🏾 A partnership

When I was living with friends, I always felt as though we were all living separate lives under one roof. This is not something that I quite frankly ever minded at all. Living with friends, in my experience – you sort out your own dishes, you sort out your own meals, you might even use your own seasonings, have your own cupboards and spot in the fridge. In one flat I lived in, we all also individually used our own cutlery. The little things we were all responsible for, such as taking out the bin for example, or buying group household goods like kitchen towel, could sometimes become a point of contention – who owes who, who did it last and the likes… It never bothered me, it was what I was used to, but it’s been nice living with a partner where we share everything. If somebody cooks lunch, they cook for both. If somebody buys dinner, they buy for both. Nobody is keeping tabs on who took out the bin, or who purchased the kitchen towels, or who last paid for the Deliveroo order. You’re living together but actually with each other too.
 

⌚ More quality time

Levi and I always spent a good amount of time together, and we of course still have our separate lives where we’ll separately go and see friends, separately go and see family, maybe go on work trips; we both separately went to stay with our families over Christmas for 1.5-2 weeks, etc. I remember times in our relationship when we’d go on holiday for a week (for example), then separately make our ways to our own apartments, and moments like that sometimes feeling somewhat… sad. It’s really nice to know that one way or another, we’re making our ways back home together, to the apartment where we live, for most days of the year.
 

❔ When is the right time?

I’ve written a more detailed post about this in the past – but I moved in with my partner because it just felt as though it made sense. I never had thought I was going to wait until I was married to live with a partner anyway, so it was bound to happen one of these days. That all said, it’s a really individual choice. We waited until our mid-20s, 5-years+ into our relationship to move in with each other, but you could equally spend 1 year with someone and decide the time is right. It’s not something you need to rush into, some little bit of extra maturity certainly helps, but make the decision based on a timeline that works for you, rather than one that is dictated to you.

Have a good week!